Anger
1. Is Anger a Problem?
2. Two types of Anger
3. What God Says
4. Secondary Emotions
5. Letting Go
6. Handling Anger In the Future
IS ANGER A PROBLEM?
The following is a questionnaire to help determine if anger is part of your daily life. Check if the answer is yes.
___ I get upset with people pressuring me to make a decision.
___It really bothers me when I am not in charge or able to control situations.
___I feel very angry when it seems as thought I have been "used"
___It is my opinion that all men are animals and all they care about is sex.
___When being pressured to have sex, I become outraged, even when it is my husband.
___When someone lies to me, or deceives me I become extremely angry with them.
___When I fail or do something wrong, I become depressed.
___I constantly nag my husband even though I know better.
___I can not control my crying once I become angry or hurt.
___Aggressive people who are out for their own gain really bother me.
___Being misunderstood or judged unfairly is something I just can't handle.
___Stress makes me feel like I will explode.
___When I think of anyone involved in my abortion(s) I feel hatred toward them
___I hate being alone, left-out, or left behind, or forgotten.
___Self-centered men really bother me.
___I feel angry or hurt when the word abortion is mentioned.
___I get frustrated when my opinion does not seem important to people.
TWO TYPES OF ANGER
Personal Anger:
You may think anger is wrong and you know that you should forgive those who hurt you. Yet the feeling is still there and will sometimes manifest itself in different ways. This anger may become uncontrolled rage when you are frustrated and stressed out. Abortion touches your total being, thereforth, personal anger can be present. You could be angry with yourself or others. For example:
"Since my abortion(s) I hate myself, and I am angry that I was fooled to think it would be an answer."
"Why did I let my Mother talk me into having an abortion! I can not tolerate being around her now."?
How do you deal with personal anger? Do you deny it, suppress it, or have thoughts of getting revenge from anyone involved. To deny or suppress anger means that the emotions have never been dealt with and relationships are never made right. To want revenge could mean that anger is turning into hate.
The way you express your hurt feelings is usually learned from the way your family reacted. List some of the ways your Mom and Dad express anger.
1. Do you do the same thing? If not, how do you react?
RIGHTEOUS ANGER
Again, you may think that you should not feel anger over situations but Jesus felt anger and so should you at certain times and in certain circumstances. Example"
"Abortion is wrong and I am angry that it is made legal. Women are suffering and no one seems to care, I get so angry."
Sometime the problems seem too big and you think there is nothing you can do. How could you deal with this kind of anger?
2. Do you blow up at times when these situations are discussed?
WHAT GOD SAYS ABOUT ANGER
1. Read Mark 3:1-5 Who was Jesus angry with? Why? What type of anger did He feel?
2. Read 1Kings 21:1-15 What caused Ahab and Jezebel to become angry? What type of anger did they have? How did they handle their anger?
3. Read Matthew 5:22 What comes because of this anger?
4. Read Ephesians 4:26. What conclusions about anger can be derived from this scripture?
5. Read Ephesians 4:31 and Colossians 3:8 What are we to do with anger?
6. Read Genesis 4:3-7 Compare this scripture with Ephesians 4:26. How are they similar? How does this relate to you and the anger you feel?
Accept anger as a reality of your human makeup. It is not anger that causes problems, but what the passion of anger motivates you to do. Just as Cain had a choice, you also have a choice. Will you let anger lead you into ungodly actions or use the emotion to bring forth good from the situation? Your capacity to love and serve others is diminished when you hold on to anger and hurt. Unresolved, it causes isolation and the inability to achieve intimacy with others and with God. You cease being a channel of God's love and mercy and become a channel of hate and destruction. What then, do you do with the anger that has already gripped your soul? You resolve it.
RESOLVE ANGER USING THE FOLLOWING STEPS:
Step One: Identify the anger.
Personal or Righteous.
Personal anger is when you personally have been hurt or offended and the focus is on yourself, your pain and hurt.
Righteous anger is when you are angry at an offence against God, the focus is on others and what is right.
Step Two Repent of anger:
Tell God you are sorry for holding on to the anger. Ask for help in what to do. This is for personal or righteous.
Step Three Channel the anger:
Personal - Ask God for a forgiving heart, confessing that you forgive the person that hurt you. Ask God to forgive them.
Righteous - Ask God what He would have you do about the situation and then ask for Grace to do what He tells you.
Step Four Go to Holiness:
Study Matthew 7:1-5 and ask God to show you areas in your life where you have had the same problem as the one that you were angry at. Ask for forgiveness and be alert for the next time that situation arises. This will bring maturity in your life.
ANGER – A SECONDARY EMOTION
Often when you are angry you are reacting to another emotion hidden behind the outward display of your feelings. Your anger can be an attempt to deal with or escape from what you are really feeling. In most circumstances anger is a reaction to primary emotions of fear and rejection. You fear being hurt or not being loved and that ministers rejection.
Read the following examples:
“I’m angry at my husband for convincing me to have an abortion. How could he do that to me?”
Primary Emotions
Fear: She fears her husband does not love her.
Rejection: She feels hurt by his lack of concern for her.
“I’m angry at myself for having an abortion. I knew it was wrong, but I did it anyway. Why didn’t I listen to my feelings? Who knows what else I’ll do?”
Primary Emotions
Fear:
She cannot trust herself to make decisions or follow
her own judgment.
Rejection:
She feels like she is not wise and others will reject her because they will think she is dumb.
“I’m angry that my life is a mess and things never seem to work out. I may never marry or have children.”
Primary Emotions
Fear:
She fears that God does not care about her problems, sufferings and hurts.
Rejection:
She feels abandoned by God.
FEAR:
Again and again, Jesus tells us not to fear, not to be afraid, for He is with us. He will never leave nor forsake us. In every area of your life He will be present, guiding you, healing you, transforming you, interceding for you. Still you may find yourself anxious and fearful. This may be the result of your attempt to control, to be the master of your own life, placing your confidence and trust in your own ability and strength. When you trust that which can fail, then you open your heart to a spirit of fear. As long as you are in bondage to the spirit of fear, you cannot fully give yourselves to love.
“Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls
to the ground apart from your Father’s will. But the very hairs of your
head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value
than many sparrows.”
Matthew 10:29-31
“There is no fear in love; but perfect love cast out fear …” 1 John 4:18
F – Focuses our attention on the circumstance.
E – Eats our faith in God.
A – Acts as a hindrance to loving God and others.
R – Reaps despair and depression.
Fear is love’s enemy. Love operates only in an atmosphere of trust. God desires you to walk in the light of love so that you may have peace and joy no matter what you encounter on your journey towards complete union with Him.
“Behold, God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid, for the Lord God is my strength and song and He has become my salvation.”
Isaiah 12:2
T – Thinks of God’s hand directing all your situations.
R – Rests in the promise of God.
U – Uses God’s strength to overcome bad circumstances.
S – Senses the loving presence of God.
T – Takes time to grow in the knowledge of God.
REJECTION:
In our search for love and acceptance we encounter rejection. Even Jesus, who experienced daily the fullness of His Father’s love, bore rejection. Peter denied Him. Judas betrayed Him, neighbors in Nazareth Jerusalem
“He is despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted
with grief, and we hid, as it were, our faces from Him: He was despised
and we did not esteem Him.”
Isaiah 53:3
Jesus knew from the beginning what He would endure. He could have called down more than twelve legions of angels to take Him out of the hurt and pain. He could have reacted with self-pity, despair, indifference, or resentment. Instead He pressed on with love. He served others even unto death so that we, who rejected Him by our sins, may be healed and have eternal life. He took on a rejection that we will never have to face, the rejection of His Father.
“My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” Matthew 27:46
This sacrifice was made so that you could be ‘accepted in the Beloved.’ When you search for love and acceptance in Christ you will never be rejected by Him. This is His great promise to you. Strengthened by His Spirit, you will be able to endure rejection from others and experience healing for your hurts. Believe you are accepted by God. Believe you are His child. Believe you are a member of His family, and a part of the body of Christ.
If God be for us, then who can be against us?” Romans 8:31
“Can a woman forget her nursing child, and not have compassion on the
son of her womb? Surely they may forget, yet I will not forget you. See,
I have inscribed you on the palms of my hands.
Isaiah 49:15-16
1. What role did fear or rejection play in your abortion decision(s)?
2. Do you feel fear or rejection of: Yourself? Others? God?
3. Read Mark 4:35-40. Besides being frightened, what were the disciples feeling?
4. Do you feel like Jesus is sleeping during the storms in your life? What storms are you facing now? Do you feel Jesus was sleeping during the time of your abortion(s)?
5. How can you apply what you have learned in the above scripture to the storms you encounter?
6. How does love of others and the love of God fit into decision-making?
LETTING GO OF ANGER
When we are resolving our anger, it makes no difference that we had a good reason to be angry. We may even have had a right to be angry, but the point is that we must respond properly. If we hold on to the ‘right’ to be angry, we will inevitably fall into sin (remember Cain).
1. Make a list of who or what causes you to feel anger:
2. Check each entry on your list to see if you have personal or righteous anger.
3. Is there another emotion that causes you to feel that anger? Let the Holy Spirit reveal that to you, then pray for God to set you free.
RECONCILIATION AND PRAYER FOR HEALING
Now that you have made your list, and have identified your anger, follow the steps to resolve it. Take each name or situation and go through each step as you see fit.
Putting your feelings down on paper has a healing affect, if used properly. To do this, write a letter to each person listed and tell them how you feel. Be honest with yourself and God. Let your anger out. Do not judge what you write as to being right or wrong. These letters are not to be mailed but they must be read in class so that we can be specific in our prayers for each other.
Now, lift these feelings up to God, giving Him all the hurts and all your rights to be angry. This is what Jesus did. He gave up His rights so that we might have this healing. So take every person and every situation to the cross and trust God to raise you up to life just as He did Jesus.
“But, if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you,
He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal
bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.”
Romans 8:11
LETTING GO OF ANGER
When we are resolving our anger, it makes no difference that we had a good reason to be angry. We may even have had a right to be angry, but the point is that we must respond properly. If we hold on to the ‘right’ to be angry, we will inevitably fall into sin (remember Cain).
1. Make a list of who or what causes you to feel anger:
2. Check each entry on your list to see if you have personal or righteous anger.
3. Is there another emotion that causes you to feel that anger? Let the Holy Spirit reveal that to you, then pray for God to set you free.
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