FORGIVING YOURSELF

1.      Self-forgiveness / Self-Condemnation

2.      The Accuser / False Humility

3.      Guilt / Grief

4.    Forgiving / Forgetting

SELF – FORGIVENESS

 

      “I believe God has forgiven me, but I just can not forgive myself.” 

 

      “Shouldn’t I always feel bad for what I have done?”

 

      “People say, how could a mother take the life of her own baby, so I must be a terrible person deep inside!”

 

      “I deserve to suffer.”

 

      Is this the way you are thinking?  If so, then you need to realize you are not living in the truth of God’s Word.  Guilt means that you have to pay the penalty for a wrong.  If Jesus paid the penalty for you, does God require that you pay also?

 

1.  If you have asked God to forgive you and you believe that the blood of Jesus  redeemed you from that sin, then who is making you feel guilty?

 

 

 

 

 

2.  What does God say cleanses us from guilt?     1 John 1:9

 

 

 

 

 

3.  Are you trying to prove yourself worthy to feel forgiven?

 

 

 

 

 

4.  Are you punishing yourself for your abortion(s)?

 

 

 

 

 

5.  How did David, who committed adultery and murder, get free of guilt?         Psalm 32:5

 

 

 

 

 

6.  Shame may be holding you to guilt.  Look to Jesus!  Hebrews 12:2, Psalm 34:4-6

 

SELF – CONDEMNATION

 

      If you no longer stand accused before God, why do you persist in accusing yourself?  When you engage in self-condemnation, you are believing God has not forgiven you.  You have not completely submerged your soul under the cleansing blood of Jesus Christ.  Are you believing His Word or are you believing your feelings?

 

Fill in the Blanks:

            “For if our hearts _____________us, God is ____________than our heart,

            and knows _______  ____________.  Beloved, if our ____________ does

            not ____________ us, we have _________________ toward God.

                                                                                                            1 John 3:20-21

 

      God loves you because you are His child, not because of your good works and deeds.  You insult the love of God when you refuse His gift of forgiveness.  If you believe your sin of abortion is greater than God’s love, and that by your own sin you have the power to hinder the infinite mercy of God, you are thinking that you are greater than God.  This is what Judas believed.  The tragedy of Judas lay not in his betrayal of Christ, but in his refusal to accept the mercy of Christ.  That refusal always sentences us to death, because the wages of sin is death.  This is why you sometimes feel separated from God.  Jesus paid the wages for you and if you do not feel forgiven then you will feel guilty.  Only by believing (not feeling) that you are free from the sin of abortion can you be free to feel the love of God.

 

      You will never be happy about your abortion(s).  Even after you have been healed there may be sadness, tucked deep in your heart, for the loss of your child.  We call this our ‘Treasured Sadness.’  Our children are our treasures and we are sad because we no longer have them.  Part of loving is being sad when you are separated from someone you love.  But this does not prevent you from celebrating, with jubilant praise and thanksgiving, the precious love your Lord has showered upon you through His forgiveness and restoration of your broken heart and broken relationships.

 

1.  What can you have if you do not have condemnation in your heart?  1 John 3:20-21

 

 

 

 

 

 

2.  What will happen if you love God and be in His purpose?  Romans 8:28

 

 

THE ACCUSER

 

Condemnation can come from another source besides yourself.

 

1.  What happened before God day and night?     Revelation 12:10

 

 

 

2.  What did Satan come to do?     John 10:10

 

 

 

3.  What does Jesus call the devil?     John 8:44

 

 

FALSE HUMILITY

 

      You may envision humility as someone with a long, sad, face not liking themselves, walking bent over with the weight of their sin.  But this is not the humility Jesus taught His followers.

 

            “Therefore, whoever humbles himself as this little child is greatest

            in the kingdom of Heaven.”                               Matthew 18:4

 

      The world says “Love yourself, look out for number one, strut your stuff proudly.”  Christians are not supposed to be like the world, so you could think that not liking yourself, being ashamed, and never being proud would mean you are humble.  Thinking Jesus has done it all for you, that you can do nothing in yourself, being proud because God created you for His purpose and submitting to Him is being humble.

 

      As the accuser, Satan wants to steal your joy of forgiveness by suggesting guilt to your mind.  If you succumb to these accusations and believe his thoughts your faith in God’s love will crumble.  Giving room in your mind to Satan’s lies takes glory away from Jesus.

      When Jesus sacrificed His life for you and rose from the dead on Easter morning, He conquered Satan and his power.  As a follower of Jesus, having been born again by the power of the Holy Spirit, there is now power within you.

 

4.  What have you overcome and who is greater?     1 John 4:4

 

 

 

5.  How do you get life?     Romans 8:11

 

 

 

6.  What will God do for us and where is the power He uses?     Ephesians 3:20

 

 

 

7.  What two things do you have to do to make Satan flee?     James 4:7

 

 

 

      You can resist the deception of false guilt.  By humbling yourselves before the Lord, confessing your sin of self-condemnation, and drawing near to Jesus with thanksgiving, praise, and adoration, God will lift you up.

 

GUILT vs GRIEF

 

      Sometimes women confuse sorrow for the loss of their child with guilt.  Often a woman will begin to grieve over the death of her baby and, without realizing it, slip back into guilt, thus preventing her from experiencing the natural grieving process.  As the Lord pours more healing into your heart, you will be able to better discern between the two.

 

            “I wish my baby was here with me.  Oh, how I long to hold him. 

 

              My  arms are empty.  Why did I do such an ugly  thing?  How could I have  aborted my child?  I am such an awful person.”

 

      Missing your baby is natural, it is a part of grief.  Thinking bad of yourself after you have had God’s forgiveness is guilt.  You may think you have no right to grieve since you were the perpetrator of abortion.  This is thinly disguised self-condemnation.  You need to have sorrow over your sins, that is repentance.  Next you ask for God’s forgiveness, and that sets you free to have sorrow for losing your baby.

 

 

FORGIVEN DOES NOT MEAN FORGETTING

 

      The memory of your abortion(s) should bring a ‘treasured sadness,’ then thoughts of how much God loves you and how He has forgiven you.

 

1.  Read Psalm 56:13 then write a letter thanking God for all His goodness.  Be specific about ways that He has been especially good to you.