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RECONCILIATION WITH THE CHILDREN
1. In Heaven with God
2. Mourning
3. Letting Go
IN HEAVEN WITH GOD
Christians believe God’s revealed truth is that human life begins at conception. While abortion may destroy the earthly bodies of our children, abortion can not destroy our children’s immortal soul and spirit.
1. Who saw your baby(s) before anyone else? What was written about your baby(s)?
When was it written? Psalm 139:13-16
2. What did David say about his baby that had just died?
II Samuel 12:22-23
3. What happens when we sin? Did your baby(s) sin?
Exodus 32:33
4. Where do you think babies go when they die?
5. When you think of your baby(s), what do you see. How do you feel? Explain as much as you can.
If you, who have sinned, can be a recipient of God’s saving love, then your child, who has not sinned, would receive that love also. God grants your child the gift of eternal life. There has been no personal sin committed.
In the Song of Solomon 8:6, we are told that love is as strong as death. Love transcends space and time. Love, enduring all things, conquers even death. Nothing can separate you from the love of God, nothing can separate you from the love of your child and nothing can separate your child’s love for you. From the moment your Heavenly Father created your baby in the stillness of your womb, He bestowed motherhood upon you. Neither abortion, nor death, forfeits this gift. You are separated only by a temporary boundary, but united eternally by the love that comes through Jesus.
6. Who is the ‘you’ referring to in Isaiah 49:15?
7. How does knowing your child is with Jesus make you feel? What does this mean to you?
8. What is the date of your abortion(s)? What are the due dates?
9. These dates of darkness can be turned into light. Committ them to God.
MOURNING
“What right do I have to grieve? I was responsible for the death of my child.”
Many women feel this way. Even society ignores the deep sorrow that women experience from the loss due to abortion. There are no funerals, no body to bury, no wakes or flowers. There are no cemetery services to bid our children goodbye. There is no time set aside for the opportunity to grieve and make known the suffering that one feels from the loss of a baby. No friends to comfort, songs to remember, nothing at all to acknowledge a death. A woman who aborts her child is considered by society as never having had a baby. She is abandoned in her sorrow.
If you believe you have no right to mourn for your loss, you need to re-examine your acceptance of self-forgiveness. There is no doubt as to who is responsible for the abortion, but forgiveness has entered the picture, and restored fellowship with God has freed you to mourn. God wants you to mourn; He will mourn with you. If you spurn His forgiveness, then you spurn His comfort. You need to mourn to help heal the broken relationship between mother and child.
Unacknowledged grief is unresolved grief and it will interfere with your ability to maintain intimacy and permanency in any present or future relationships, including your relationship with God. This is sometimes masked by an inability to trust, an inordinate fear of future loss, and a tendency towards anger or depression.
Some have said that grieving is a sign of weak faith. Nowhere in the scriptures does Jesus or His apostles teach that feeling grief or showing grief is a lack of faith. Jesus himself wept openly at the tomb of His friend Lazarus. John 11:33-35. When we weep Jesus treasures each teardrop as a sign of love. Grieving is an outward or inward expression of sorrow that means something was important to you. What makes the difference in our having sorrow, from non-believers having sorrow, is hope of eternal life. I Thessalonians 4:13.
The expression of grief is different for everyone. Do not compare your experience with that of others. Be patient with God and yourself. In healing, there are no deadlines. Trust in your Heavenly Father to heal your sorrow in His time and in His way. Pray and ask God to be in control of your emotions. You will not have to be afraid to cry thinking you will never stop, God will help you. He will give you peace in the midst of your sorrow. A loss in our lives causes us to reflect on what is important in life. Ecclesiastes 7:4.
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Psalm 34:18
Do the following exercises:
1. Have you grieved before? Have you grieved over your abortion? If so, explain. If not, do you feel a need to grieve?
2. Have you resolved the pain of loss? In what way?
3. Do you doubt your right to grieve?
4. What are God’s promises to those who mourn?
Psalm 30:11
Isaiah 51:11
Isaiah 60:20
Isaiah 61:13
Jeremiah 31:13
Lamentations
3:49-50
Matthew 5:4
LETTING GO
To complete the healing process, every woman must be reconciled with her unborn child, accepting the reality of a life and releasing that life into the hands of Jesus. Reconciliation also means that you have no fears of your child not forgiving you, and that you can have a relationship of love with each other, just as you would if they had died at an age after birth. When you commit your child to Jesus, you LET GO of bad memories and guilt, but you do not LET GO of your love. Instead you let the Holy Spirit fill you with God’s love.
Special Child
I think she would have been a girl
with blue eyes and blond hair.
She would be five by now
and I miss her.
I have never seen her or held her
but she is so real.
What do you feel? What do you see?
Can you see the sun, the birds? Can you see me?
Someday, honey, I will be with you.
Please pray for me.
Cathy Pawson
There are many ways to facilitate this reconciliation. We believe the best way to begin this process is by naming your child. Ask the Lord what name He would like you to give him or her. Then write a letter to your baby, expressing your sorrow, the things you wish you could have done together, the hope you have for the future. Open the door of your heart to your child. If the tears come, let them flow freely. When your letter is completed imagine how your child would respond and note these feelings. If it is hard for you to write this, try using a tape recorder.
This takes the place of the bonding that would normally occur with the birth of a child. Other possible ways of bonding are, write a poem or song to your child, purchase an item you would have liked for your baby or draw a picture of what you believe your baby looks like.
There will be a special time set aside to share what the Lord has given us. We call this a Memorial. It is a service for parents and our children. We can invite any one that we want to share the service with us. This is not a time to be feared but a time of closure to the past and to give us a memory of love for the future.
Since you are doing this study on-line, it doesn't mean that you can't take part in a memorial service for your child(ren). Contact us for more information.
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